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Because my opinions are better than yours

Posts tagged twitter

I don’t do much Twitter reading, but Conan O’Brien sounds legit. Here are his last 6 tweets as of right now (to emphasize his consistency):

Just got the new iPad. This amazing device has already revolutionized the way I use a calculator.
about 12 hours ago via web

Man, I am so tired. APRIL FOOL’S! I’m NOT tired. (I’m kind of tired)
11:09 AM Apr 1st via web

Jewish fun fact: If you celebrate Passover on top of an overpass, you go back in time.

10:32 AM Mar 29th via web

And the Lord said “On the 7th day thou shall not tweet.” And he did not. And it was good.
1:32 PM Mar 28th via web

. sklfjslj;v999[aeae0c (my dog’s first tweet)
3:30 PM Mar 27th via web

Found out today that you’re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jellyroll stain. Sorry, fat stranger

3:49 PM Mar 26th via web

Also, his “bio” states simply:

I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account.”

Read Conan O’Brien’s newest tweets by clicking here or follow him by clicking here (same link morons).

[via this guy]

Courtesy of Jayson Stark, or, more appropriately, @jaysonst:

Here’s a thought that ought to warm you up out there. This was the last Sunday without a baseball game to watch until Nov. 7.

[via Balls Sticks & Stuff’s Twitter]



Failwhale

To those misinformed, confused or, merely, just curious, here is an excerpt from McSweeney’s comprehensive guide to “Understanding Twitter,” this first sentence perfectly answering the infamous “what is twitter” question in elegant, beautiful simplicity:

Twitter seems to be, first and foremost, an online haven where teenagers making drugs can telegraph secret code words to arrange gang fights and orgies.

As you can tell, this is well worth the read, but here’s the rest of the paragraph so you can stay on my website a little longer:

It also functions as a vehicle for teasing peers until they commit suicide. In order to become a “follower” on Twitter, teens first must flash their high-beam headlights at an oncoming motorist on the highway. Then, if that motorist flashes his or her high-beam headlights back in reply, the teen must kill the motorist in order to be initiated into “following” the online gang. The catch is that one can only use 140 sentences to plan a total of 140 events—that is, any combination of orgies, gang fights, suicides, and highway killings totaling 140 planned situations or activities.

It is pretty bomb; I’ll give it that.  Follow me on twitter here: @masemase

[via waxy]


Shaq

I’m not really sure if this is only for Twitter users, but I don’t think so.  I can’t imagine you wouldn’t appreciate it otherwise.  So just read this, trust me: A foot and a half: Finally, A Use for Twitter:

Sean informed me a few days ago that he had been following “The Real Shaq” on twitter.

“You realize that ‘The Real Shaq’ is probably a 5’4 White, 14 year old emo kid who’s getting his jolly’s from the attention, right?” I asked him.

“I don’t know. I think it’s really him”

Today Sean and I were discussing rumored trade situations over IM, and the possibility of Shaq being traded to Cleveland.

“Well, I just got a twitter from The Real Shaq, and he’s at 5 & Diner right now,” Sean informed me.

“Let’s go then” I said, assuming that I’d finally put this “Real Shaq” crap to rest.

Twenty minutes later we were pulling up to the restaurant and looking for the big black truck that he’s rumored to drive around town. “Maybe that’s it” Sean said, pointing at an older, but nice Van and laughing. As we pulled up I saw the Superman symbol on the grill.

Maybe that is it?

We went in, and to my surprise the MDE(Most Dominant Ever) was sitting in the corner booth by himself. We gave the man a nod and “Hey” as we walked to our table and were soon whispering back and forth like 12 year old girls at the 7th grade dance.

Oh, and if you’re incredibly bored and want to read more of the musings of a miserable NYC’er about to re-take the New York Bar Exam on Tuesday, feel free to follow me at @masemase. And wish me luck because lord knows I’ll need it.

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