Just brilliant writing, and this is just an excerpt:
“I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait to get my hands on some fucking gourds and arrange them in a horn-shaped basket on my dining room table. That shit is going to look so seasonal. I’m about to head up to the attic right now to find that wicker fucker, dust it off, and jam it with an insanely ornate assortment of shellacked vegetables. When my guests come over it’s gonna be like, BLAMMO! Check out my shellacked decorative vegetables, assholes. Guess what season it is—fucking fall. There’s a nip in the air and my house is full of mutant fucking squash.”
And that’s just the first paragraph. I’d love to just paste the rest of it here and say that I wrote it, but that would probably be plagarism or some shit. So, to read the rest you have to go here.