Featuring the greatest hero in modern history (pictured above in working garb) in what is easily the greatest news event of our time, the incident involves a flight attendant getting on the PA system and telling the passengers to “fuck off,” activating the inflatable emergency slide that no one actually thinks exists aside from in those cartoon pictures located in the seatback in front of you, grabbing two beers from the bar, sliding down said slide and then escaping by running across the tarmac and into the terminal:
A jetBlue flight attendant upset because a passenger refused to apologize after accidentally striking him with luggage, allegedly spewed obscenities over the PA system, then activated and slid down a plane’s emergency chute before disappearing into a terminal at John F. Kennedy airport Monday, an airport official said.
JetBlue Flight 1052 from Pittsburgh had taxied to a stop at Terminal 5, Gate C around noon Monday when flight attendant Steven Slater, 38, was struck in the head with luggage that a passenger was trying to unload from an overhead compartment, according to an airport official with knowledge of the incident.
Slater demanded an apology from the passenger, the official said, but the passenger refused. The two argued before the passenger told Slater to “f— off”, the official said. The official said that Slater then got on the plane’s PA system and directed that same obscenity at all the passengers and added that he especially meant it for the man who refused to apologize.
Slater is alleged to have then activated the plane’s inflatable emergency slide, grabbed two beers from the galley, then slid down the chute, the official said.
Our Hero Illustrated
UPDATE: Check out my hero’s MySpace Page (where many of these fantastic photos are from):
The Daily News’s charicature of the events are, as always, pitch perfect:
The plane had just landed, but he was ready to take off.
A JetBlue flight attendant blew his top, grabbed some beer and bolted out an emergency slide at Kennedy Airport Monday - then headed home to have sex with his boyfriend.
After he was bonked in the head by a bag, Steven Slater stunned passengers by spewing profanity and ranting about quitting as the flight from Pittsburgh pulled up to the gate about noon.
“To the f——-g a—hole who told me to f—k off, it’s been a good 28 years,” Slater, 38, purred, cops said. “I’ve had it. That’s it,” he added, a passenger said.
The mad-as-hell steward grabbed a couple of brewskis and popped one open before activating the emergency exit, witnesses told airport employees.
After tossing his two carry-on bags on the slide, he followed them to the tarmac.
Cops found him in bed with his boyfriend when they arrived to arrest him at a beachfront home in the Rockaways with a porch overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, sources said.
He boasted to skeptical cops that he really did escape by chute with his carry-on luggage. “Oh, yes, I did! I threw them down first and I went down after,” he told cops, sources said.
He was grinning as police walked him in handcuffs to a squad car. “He left with a big smile on his face,” said neighbor Curt Karkowski.
The contretemps unfolded as JetBlue Flight 1052 from Pittsburgh landed at Kennedy around noon — on time — with a full load of 100 passengers and pulled up to the gate, said the law enforcement official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because the investigation was continuing but offered the following account:
One passenger stood up to fetch belongings from the overhead compartment before the crew had given permission. Mr. Slater instructed the person to remain seated. The passenger defied him. Mr. Slater approached and reached the passenger just as the person pulled down the luggage, which struck Mr. Slater in the head.
Mr. Slater asked for an apology. The passenger instead cursed at him. Mr. Slater got on the plane’s public address system and cursed out the passenger. Then he activated the inflatable evacuation slide at service exit R1; launched himself off the plane, an Embraer 190; ran to the employee parking lot; and left the airport in a car he had parked there.
Finally, Gawker has some ultimately sad news for our hero, who, it seems, might be paying a steep price for being the coolest person ever:
In his own little way, Steven Slater is a hero, too, for doing that which everyone who has traveled by airplane dreams. Unfortunately, his heroism may result in criminal mischief and trespassing charges. NBC New York reports he could be in jail for up to seven years.
[via WSJ & Gawker & DailyNews & Cityroom]